


Going Back

by awerewolf



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 20:04:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3146915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awerewolf/pseuds/awerewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas returns to Lavellan for the first time in a long time, needing her help, but things don't turn out how he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Going Back

Solas was afraid to go back. He was afraid of her judgement, for she never withheld it before. Still, he needed her. He needed the unique magic of the anchor on her hand, and could not do what was needed himself. He only hoped she would be merciful.

He was afraid to venture into Skyhold again, so he found her in the fade first.

The cloud over her dreams remained the same as it had always been, and stepping in was like pulling on an old tunic that he hadn’t worn in years. The air smelled of the forest, and light even filtered through like there was a canopy from the trees above.

He saw her silhouette in the distance, and he was both anxious and excited at the same time, but as he approached he noticed that there was something terribly wrong.

She turned to him and smiled, a thousand wrinkles crinkling into a thousand more. Her hair was long as it had ever been, but white and wiry, so different from how he remembered. Her dark eyes were lightened with cataracts, and her smile was nearly toothless.

This woman couldn’t have been her, it hadn’t been so long, but he noticed that one gnarled hand flashed green on the palm and he knew.

Her voice broke over the silence like the crunching of leaves underfoot. “I thought you would never come back.”

"Vhenan, I didn’t know-"

"I’m sure there’s some reason you’re here, looking the same as I remember you." Her smile disappeared. "Unless this is a trick."

He couldn’t even laugh. “I’m no demon, I… I need your help.” He gestured toward her. “Your mark.”

"Do you want it back?" She lifted her hand towards him and the mark crackled. "I know it’s yours. After you left, I was able to put some of the pieces together. I don’t know who you really are, I don’t know why you lied to me, but I know you had something to do with everything."

She limped towards him and put her marked hand on his arm. He looked down and couldn’t help but note how unfair it was, that he was graced with eternity but she was doomed to fade away, and she could do so much with eternity than he could ever dream of.

"You should’ve just told me, Solas." She said. "Whatever it is, I would’ve understood. I might’ve been mad about the lies, but I would’ve understood."

"I was afraid."

"Weren’t we all?" She shuffled away from him, pulling her shawl tighter around her. "I’m in no state for adventures, not anymore. If you need the mark, you’ve got to take it from me."

He shook his head. “It’s impossible, the only way I know would kill you.”

"Do what you need to do." She shrugged. "I’ve lived my life, over a hundred years of it."

"I  _can’t_.” He pleaded. “If you’ll just come with me, I’ll try to-“

"I said no!" She snapped, her eyes burning. "My place is here. Leaving doesn’t come as easily to me as it came to you."

Her words felt like a slap in his face, but he knew he deserved them and worse. He looked at her and, despite everything, he knew she was still the woman he loved and left a hundred years ago. He had hurt her in a thousand ways but he could never do this, not this.

So he took her gnarled hand, the one without the mark, and kissed her fingers like he had done so long ago. He would spend another hundred years searching for another way.

"You will not see me again." He told her, before he left the second time.

Less than a year later, while dreaming he felt her death ripple across the fade. It was as if Thedas itself shuddered with the loss of its herald. He awoke, alone in a ruin, and wept.


End file.
